Beeing Bee

Ever felt drained from putting others’ needs before yours? Do you constantly feel guilty for maintaining your boundaries? Do you feel like you need permission to do things you love? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, keep reading. 

Putting ourselves first is an optimal way to demonstrate our confidence. When we consistently give other people more care and understanding than we do ourselves, our subconscious begins to believe we aren’t a priority. 

It is pertinent to our overall success that we make ourselves our number 1 priority. As many great philosophers have said, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Nor should you pour from your cup, only give what runneth over. This relates to our academics, professions, relationships both platonic and romantic. This also relates to our family members including those who may be dependent. 

So how do we do this? 

We must take the time to nurture ourselves. This will take some strategic planning for most individuals. 

• Get an adequate amount of sleep. Go to sleep early or take a midday nap. The tasks exist regardless, it’s best to handle them well rested.
• Start your day a bit earlier than normal to pour into yourself. If rest is what you crave, try lying in bed awake for 15-20 minutes before you get up. This will help you feel your body and mind at peace. Use this time to practice gratitude, listen to calming sounds, pray or meditate. 
• Take time to engage in personal hygiene. Dental hygiene, bathing, hair care and skin care. These are foundational aspects of our physical wellbeing. 
• Eat nutritious meals and drink high quality water. Our bodies need the best fuel. Our nutritional health is directly related to our physical wellbeing. 
• Clean your home. It is uplifting to reside in a comfortable and clean home. Make your bed, launder your clothing and linen. Wash your dishes, sweep, mop and vacuum floors. Wipe down counters. Clean your space so good energy and flow comes into it. When you leave and come back, notice how good you feel walking into a clean home. 
• Do something you love. Take a walk in a park, go shopping, engage in your hobbies, try a new restaurant. Find out what you love to do that makes you happy and do it. (Activity should not interfere with someone else’s wellbeing) 

After you’ve completed these things each day, you have begun to put yourself first. Now comes the difficult part. 

We have to put ourselves first in our professions and relationships. The hard part is deciding where we can or should compromise for the success of the group. The questions we need to ask ourselves are… “does the success of the group infringe upon my happiness?” Is there an everybody wins scenario? 

Ideally, putting ourselves first would allow everyone to be happy with the outcome. Usually empaths and people pleasers tend to substitute their own happiness for others. That’s exactly why I wrote this article. When we constantly give others what they want, we begin to lose sight of what we want. Our wants and interests are key comments of our personalities. Without them, we dwindle into invisibility. 

Relationships

Relationships tend to have issues that fall into these categories: Housemate Issues, Trust Issues, Lifelong Wishes. 

Examples: 

Housemates Issues

• Cleanliness
• Decor 
• Use of space
• Events and Guests
• Payments 

Trust Issues

• Infidelity
•  Theft 
• Abuse (Violent, Finance, Verbal) 
• Abandonment 
• Character/ Insufficient Connection

Lifelong Wishes 

• Gender Roles
• Careers
• Travel and Settlement
• Finances (Spending, Saving, Investing)
• Character (Goodness, Integrity, Ambition) 
• Permanent decisions
• Hobbies

Housemates issues are the most common issues people in relationships face. These may seem like large problems at the time, but after a while you begin to notice how insignificant they truly are. You can easily fix housemate issues with civil conversations and planning. When you put yourself first you need to make a list of how you’d like the house to run. Ask your housemate to also make a list. Cross reference between them and decide how you can come to a middle ground. If any of you are unwilling to cooperate, this is not an ideal housemate situation.

Trust issues are far more significant but can still be remedied. Individuals may behave a certain way based on their history and trauma. Although that is no excuse for mistreatment, it is concrete evidence on where improvement should begin. If you are willing to put in the work, you can come to a solution. Putting yourself first can include healing these issues by finding the root causes of them. Putting yourself first can be moving forward with someone you love because you want to see them improve. Putting yourself first can also be deciding that you want an easier and better relationship. 

Lifelong Wishes are things you should maintain clear boundaries on and put yourself first. The examples I gave above are important decisions that should not be compromised. If we give any of these up, we will regret that we didn’t fulfill our dreams. We will regret that for a season we were not true to ourselves. When it comes to relationships, we must be mindful of our own character and the characters of those we share energy with. 

Professionalism 

The best way to put ourselves first in professionalism is to remember that our careers do not define us. Regardless of what we’ve been taught, careers are not the most important aspect of our lives. We need to love who we are outside of our professions. 

Putting yourself first in professionalism starts by separating yourself from your career. What do you need to succeed? If you ever dreaded going into work, or wished you had more vacation days, you need to focus on yourself. If you don’t put yourself first, your job certainly won’t either. 

Ask yourself, if money was no problem what would you spend your time doing ? Also ask yourself, if you had to exist without money, what would you do to keep yourself happy? You should have a career or at least a stream of income  in the fields you mentioned. That’s an excellent way to put yourself first. 

Other examples include: Negotiating your salary, asking for time off, fully utilizing your breaks, and beginning and ending work on-time. 

Additionally, advocating for yourself. If you are suffering from harassment or discrimination, you should seek help to make your time there more comfortable. If you’re giving to them, they owe you a peaceful environment. Depending on the company, you may experience even more problems from expressing your concerns. If so, they don’t deserve you.

This is truly up to you.

Take the initiative and put yourself first today.

Beeing Bee